I officially hate it! You know that feeling you get that the weekend is ending too quickly and work is looming. That’s how I feel right now. Okay I know I haven’t been at work since the middle of May last year but it still feels like only two minutes ago I was there. Honestly the last 7 months have gone to fast and it feels way too soon to be leaving my little Prince for work. I’m only going in for 4 hours and I am only doing two days this week but it won’t be long and I will be back doing 5 day weeks again. I actually want to cry, I don’t want any other job than being a Mummy. Being a Mum is my favourite thing to do and I feel guilty that I have to go back to work and devote my time to stupid customers and their laptops. How will I be motivated to do my work when I don’t care about it, when all I want to do is go home and be with my baby? My biggest fear is missing his milestones. Yes it will be nice that Daddy is there and gets to experience them and not some stranger but I honestly think I will feel jealous. What if he says his first real word (not the Muma muma muma mum mum whining he does now) but something where he knows the meaning. Or what if he crawls and then later walks when I am at work. It will make being away from him even worse. I want to be there for them all! Is that selfish?
His Daddy goes out to work every day ...well night actually so he doesn’t miss much time with Joshua. An hour or so in the morning while he sleeps in, then he misses an hour before bed. Nothing really...I’m going to be missing 4 and half hours every afternoon. I know I have to go back, bills needs to be paid, milk and nappies bought and I should just try and be positive about it. Right now though I can’t.
Maybe once I’ve done my first day tomorrow I will feel better. Even one keeps telling me the adult company will do me good, what do they think I do lock myself in the house all day with only Joshua. We go shopping, we meet friends for lunch, we visit family we go and play with other Mum’s and babies. I see lots of adults, I just see them with my son with me and that’s the way I want it to be. We’re going to have to stop going to Mother and Baby group to. We did that Tuesday afternoons, think there are only 4 more days we can go and that’s it finished. Joshua loves going to, interacting with the other babies and flirting with the mums.
Anyway I’m going to leave it at that before I depress myself anymore and quite possible you to.
Happier blog next time
Lucy
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I know this probs won't help much, but my mom, being a single parent and all, had to go straight back to full time work after she had me. She obviously must have missed a load of stuff, and tbh she doesn't even know what my first word was if you ask her, and yet everyone always comments on what a great relationship we have and how close we are. I guess what I'm trying to say is that, yes, it will be very hard to begin with, without a doubt, but you will get through it and be just as close to Joshua regardless. :) I guess you have to motivate yourself by thinking how you're gonna be working to provide him with the best. :)
ReplyDeleteHope that makes sense and I don't sound too annoying. I know advice from me probs seems empty and pointless since I know so little about the significant things in life. Just wanted to try and help a little. x
I'm with Jem on that :) My mum missed loads as well and we are very close and there will be loads of first things you won't be able to share with Joshua, although the first real word and steps are the important ones.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure you won't feel that way once you are back at work :)
*big huggles*
Thanks girls! Jem your advice is not pointless at all *hugs*
ReplyDeleteYou both make good points and I know deep down that once I've been back for a while I will be fine. I think the thought of it is always worse!
xx
I'm with Tanja and Jem on that one. My own mother stayed hom once she had me though, but I see with my cousin, who has a 4-year old son and 2-year old twins that combining a job and a family doesn't mean you will miss everything! I'm pretty sure that once you're back at work and have got used to the idea of having to leave him alone for a few hours a day everything will be fine again hunny! ;)
ReplyDeleteam here if you want to talk though!
*biiiig huggles*
xxxx
I'm totally agree with Jem, Tanja and Eves. Yes, you will miss some important milestones in Joshua's life, but then there will be many first milestones in his life that you will share. Both my parents works for a living, but my mom always found time even she was dead tired from working all night to take my brother and me out on the weekend so that we can spend time together. It will be hard, but you will get through it just like my parents did. You just will make time to spend with Joshua once you get home from work to create those special time and get to see those very first as well. You won't miss out on anything in his life Lu. You and Ant are doing a great job as parents. Don't worry too much about going back to work and missing out on things with Joshua. You will still see many 1st with him still. *HUGS*
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