That Sunday Feeling

I officially hate it! You know that feeling you get that the weekend is ending too quickly and work is looming. That’s how I feel right now. Okay I know I haven’t been at work since the middle of May last year but it still feels like only two minutes ago I was there. Honestly the last 7 months have gone to fast and it feels way too soon to be leaving my little Prince for work. I’m only going in for 4 hours and I am only doing two days this week but it won’t be long and I will be back doing 5 day weeks again. I actually want to cry, I don’t want any other job than being a Mummy. Being a Mum is my favourite thing to do and I feel guilty that I have to go back to work and devote my time to stupid customers and their laptops. How will I be motivated to do my work when I don’t care about it, when all I want to do is go home and be with my baby? My biggest fear is missing his milestones. Yes it will be nice that Daddy is there and gets to experience them and not some stranger but I honestly think I will feel jealous. What if he says his first real word (not the Muma muma muma mum mum whining he does now) but something where he knows the meaning. Or what if he crawls and then later walks when I am at work. It will make being away from him even worse. I want to be there for them all! Is that selfish?

 His Daddy goes out to work every day ...well night actually so he doesn’t miss much time with Joshua. An hour or so in the morning while he sleeps in, then he misses an hour before bed. Nothing really...I’m going to be missing 4 and half hours every afternoon. I know I have to go back, bills needs to be paid, milk and nappies bought and I should just try and be positive about it. Right now though I can’t.

Maybe once I’ve done my first day tomorrow I will feel better. Even one keeps telling me the adult company will do me good, what do they think I do lock myself in the house all day with only Joshua. We go shopping, we meet friends for lunch, we visit family we go and play with other Mum’s and babies. I see lots of adults, I just see them with my son with me and that’s the way I want it to be. We’re going to have to stop going to Mother and Baby group to. We did that Tuesday afternoons, think there are only 4 more days we can go and that’s it finished. Joshua loves going to, interacting with the other babies and flirting with the mums.

Anyway I’m going to leave it at that before I depress myself anymore and quite possible you to.
Happier blog next time
Lucy