Oh Happy Days!

I survived work, Joshua survived and so did Ant! So all is good. I don’t even think Joshua missed me – that’s just charming isn’t it?! Was nice chatting with everyone again and my worries about forgetting everything were dashed, I actually remembered more than I thought. Although I will so be asking a million questions when I go back properly.

Does anyone else love the feeling you get when you can be completely and utterly happy for someone else?  I’ve been crossing my fingers and wishing on eye lashes for the past two months that my friend would get the news she deserved and on Tuesday she had her twelve week scan and saw her babies heartbeat.  I know exactly how she was feeling and when I received the message to say everything was okay I had the biggest smile on my face for the rest of the day. Honestly I am overjoyed for her. It’s such an exciting time, and I love that I can share it with her.

I find too often these days that people can’t be genuinely happy for someone else, not unless they are benefiting from it in some way and I hate this. Why does the world have to work like this?

My new year; new me is going fairly well...caved and had a small piece of chocolate today. Other than that though we’ve been eating nice healthy food and I’m enjoying it. Making me feel less tired and happier in myself. I know it will be a while before I notice the affects but I’m still motivated – usually I get s far as day 2! Had my hair cut yesterday as another step – I have a little side fringe now and I really like it. Have a look for yourself and let me know what you think!



Next weekend Ant is going to take me out for a treat.... the healthy eating will go out of the window that night. We’ve only had one night out alone in the past seven months so we both feel that it is due. I’ve been dropping hints for a few weeks and last night he turned to Joshua and said ‘Joshua I think Mummy is trying to tell me something, new clothes, new makeup new hair’ Then he told me he would take me out, so to arrange a baby sitter.

Will be lovely to get a night out alone as a couple but will also be strange as it’s only the second time Joshua will have been with someone other than the two of us. I know he will be fine, he’ll most likely be in bed before we go and my neice is more than capable of taking care of it. Just strange though!

Anyway I think that’s enough randomness for today!
Thanks to everyone who has left comments I really appreciate and love reading them

Lucy xx

That Sunday Feeling

I officially hate it! You know that feeling you get that the weekend is ending too quickly and work is looming. That’s how I feel right now. Okay I know I haven’t been at work since the middle of May last year but it still feels like only two minutes ago I was there. Honestly the last 7 months have gone to fast and it feels way too soon to be leaving my little Prince for work. I’m only going in for 4 hours and I am only doing two days this week but it won’t be long and I will be back doing 5 day weeks again. I actually want to cry, I don’t want any other job than being a Mummy. Being a Mum is my favourite thing to do and I feel guilty that I have to go back to work and devote my time to stupid customers and their laptops. How will I be motivated to do my work when I don’t care about it, when all I want to do is go home and be with my baby? My biggest fear is missing his milestones. Yes it will be nice that Daddy is there and gets to experience them and not some stranger but I honestly think I will feel jealous. What if he says his first real word (not the Muma muma muma mum mum whining he does now) but something where he knows the meaning. Or what if he crawls and then later walks when I am at work. It will make being away from him even worse. I want to be there for them all! Is that selfish?

 His Daddy goes out to work every day ...well night actually so he doesn’t miss much time with Joshua. An hour or so in the morning while he sleeps in, then he misses an hour before bed. Nothing really...I’m going to be missing 4 and half hours every afternoon. I know I have to go back, bills needs to be paid, milk and nappies bought and I should just try and be positive about it. Right now though I can’t.

Maybe once I’ve done my first day tomorrow I will feel better. Even one keeps telling me the adult company will do me good, what do they think I do lock myself in the house all day with only Joshua. We go shopping, we meet friends for lunch, we visit family we go and play with other Mum’s and babies. I see lots of adults, I just see them with my son with me and that’s the way I want it to be. We’re going to have to stop going to Mother and Baby group to. We did that Tuesday afternoons, think there are only 4 more days we can go and that’s it finished. Joshua loves going to, interacting with the other babies and flirting with the mums.

Anyway I’m going to leave it at that before I depress myself anymore and quite possible you to.
Happier blog next time
Lucy

New me

So it’s a new year and I have decided that I’m sick of looking the way I do, so I’m going to make an effort to do something about it and actually start to like the way I look again. People are always saying it’s okay you’ve just had a baby – but that was 6 months ago now. So it’s time to start losing that baby weight. I’ve set myself a target and I really, really want to achieve it. Hope you will all help to keep me motivated!

I started today with a food shop, my fridge has never looked so healthy. I’ve got a plan of meals we will eat every day and some of it sounds so yummy. I’m actually excited about eating it. Makes a change usually they tell you to live on cardboard and rabbit food.  Dusting the Wii fit off was another one of my missions – I pulled it out this morning and managed 40 minutes before Joshua demanded me. The last five minutes I actually did while carrying him.

I’ve found a new love to ... body shop. Someone is doing a wonderful job at converting me. Yes you know who you are! I’ve invested in some of there eye liner and lengthening mascara. I just tried it out and I have to say it’s amazing. It really does lengthen your lashes.  This is what the website says about it :  A long lasting conditioning formula with an innovative curving brush to separate, define and seriously stretch every single lash.

I love how helpful and friendly they are in the stores too... they don’t pester you when you go in like some shops, but they are on hand to help you out. I saw they do a free make up consultation and I was very tempted to sign up. Learn a bit more about what makeup I should use and how to apply it. I don’t wear very much but it really does make me feel better when I have a bit on. Even if that is just mascara and eye liner.  I guess learning and wearing more makeup could be part of the new me to. Looking good and feeling good has got to be the way to go!

Anyway I got a nice surprise when Ant came home from work. So I’m going to leave it at that for today and go watch some tele with him. Will blog again soon

Lucy

Winter Wonderland

Apparently this cold freeze is meant to last for another 3 weeks. It seems to have been going on forever already, although I’ve been lucky here we’ve hardly had any snow at all. Mr Frosty just visits every day, leaving everything white and pretty.  I guess this is what winter is supposed to be like, but I am looking forward to a bit of warm weather now. Although living in England wishing for warm weather is like wishing to marry Shane Filan. Never going to happen.

One thing I love about winter though is that it’s a brilliant excuse to drink hot chocolate. Hot chocolate with baileys is my favourite. What can I say I like my hot chocolate like I like me men, hot, smooth, creamy and steamy!!

How amazing does that look? Makes me want to go make one, shame I don't have any cream to add to it!



And I will leave you with that, I hope I didn't make your mouth water to much!

New Year

New Year...

New layout, new name and new update. Yes I know it has been ages, but I thought it was about time I wrote something new.  A friend started a new blog and it inspired me to get mine back up and running again. Hopefully with a lot happier stuff than I have written previously.

Sweet, frothy and fluffy bubbles that smell like custard creams. What a delight it is to have a bath in the equivalent of a cup of vanilla flavoured, frothy, hot chocolate topped with marshmallows.Doesn’t that sound absolutely divine? I HAVE to try it! Delightful smells and feelings are the reason why I am totally in love with lush bath products. I have some in my bathroom waiting to be used thanks to the wonderful people who gave me some lush products for Christmas. Maybe a hot bath with a bath bomb will help me get rid of this cold... New Year and a cold. Not exactly the perfect way to start it but never the less I’m optimistic about the year ahead. You have to be really don’t you? No point looking at the future through a pessimistic eye – what’s that going to achieve other than depressing you? And who wants to be depressed? Not me that’s for sure, I’ve got too much to look forward to.

I can feel 2010 is going to be a good year! Although a part of me wonders if I can ever top the feeling of seeing my son for the first time.

Every little thing you do, baby I’m amazed by you.

Right that will do for today, I’ll get my thinking cap on and come back with a longer and better update very soon!

Motherhood

After months of waiting, waiting to get pregnant, waiting for scans, waiting to giving birth - basically one big waiting game that seemed to take a lifetime. Time seemed to slow down the last few weeks of my pregnancy, there seemed to be extra hours in the day, extra days in the week… I was wishing time by. Now it’s all changed, time has sped up - there are not enough hours in the day, my boy is growing; changing and it’s all happening so quickly. Now I want time to slow down…I want Joshua to stay tiny for longer! Guess we are never happy!

Motherhood… people ask is it what you expected? I don’t know, I never really had any expectations. Is it harder than I thought? Some days, the lack of sleep is hard, but it’s worth it. Seeing Joshua happy and content, watching him grow and change and explore things. I’d not swap any of it for a full nights sleep… don’t get my wrong a full nights sleep would be nice, but I’ll get it again one day. The hardest thing I have found is knowing my little man is in pain and I can’t make it go away. Makes me sad, watching him sleeping and hearing him moan or cry in his sleep - I just want to hug him and make it all better. Hoping the colic goes soon - poor little mite.

There is one question I have been asked a million times, mostly by random strangers. ‘Is he good?’ Of course he is, new born babies don’t have the ability to be naughty. When they ask they are usually wanting to know if he is sleeping at night. No he doesn’t sleep through, but then I never expected him to - how many new babies do? But just because he doesn’t sleep all night doesn’t mean he is a bad baby… is that what they imply? Perhaps not, but sometimes I just want to ask them that? LOL

He truly fascinates me, I find myself spending to much time holding him and gazing at him. Watching him while he’s awake, watching him while he’s sleeping - stretching, curling up, makes cute faces, and cooing noises. Some days I get nothing done, I sit on the sofa with my new best friend - day time t.v and just hold and cuddle him. When he feeds, and then falls asleep he just looks to content and it makes me heart melt.

being a Mum, and loving seeing Ant being a Dad - he is wonderful. Proper dotes on his little boy! My whole live revolves around my little man, everything I do and say is about him at the moment. I probably bore everyone to death but honestly I am so in love with him, that I can’t stop talking about him.

Got some exciting plans for the rest of the year, going to Wales in 6 weeks with my parents - looking forward to it so much. Nice relaxing break in a gorge cottage. My mum has offered to look after Joshua for an evening to, so me and Ant will get out first night out together. I wonder if I will spend the whole time wondering how my boy is! Hehe Before I go to Wales though Erica is home, and I am soooo excited *bounces* Almost been two years since I have seen her, missed her lots. And Joshua needs to meet his Aunty Erica :D The October Tanja will come and stay, so excited :D Then December Jamie Olivers restaurant with Tanja and Carina. Yay lots of excitement!

Changes...

Life is changing… Well I guess life is changing every day really, even if it’s the simplest of change - the fact that we are one day older. Not always one day wiser, but it’s one days more experience under out belt.

Lately I have been thinking a lot, about how things have changed - and how soon things will never be the same again. For 9 months I have been carrying a tiny person around inside me, each day this tiny being has been growing, preparing itself to join us in the outside world. I think it’s already changed me as a person, some might not think for the better…the people I no longer talk to probably think I have turned into a horrible person. Truth be told, I don’t care what they think…. If they were true friends, if I was as important to them as they made out they wouldn’t be ignoring me right now. They’d be excited for me, wanting to experience in my life changing times with me. I've started to learn more about what I want from my life, what kind of people I want around me. I've become more outspoken, I won't be walked all over, I'll only do things that make me happy. Not in a selfish way, I will do things for others - things I do because it will make them happy, because ultimately them being happy makes me happy! 

I have  asked myself the same question numerous times over the past couple of months. ‘How can someone who’s been my friend since high school, been a part of my life for so long now want to share this with me?’ One set of exchanged words, one tiny little fight and I don’t hear from her in months. It wasn’t even a huge fight, she told me we’d both made life choices…and I asked her if this was the case was she never happy? Honestly I have spent the last 2 years listening to her tell me how awful her life is, how being single is the worst thing in the world. I know I probably talk about my baby waaaaay to much, but it’s hard not to want to talk about it when it’s making me so happy. My other friends have shared in the excitement, asking questions taking an interest - something I never felt she did. She’d ask the odd thing, but as soon as she could she’d be back onto her. I’ve felt for a long while that things were going to blow up on us, that sooner or later I would have to say something and well I did. Granted a text probably wasn’t the best way, but heat of the moment and all that. I’ve not contacted her since, and she’s not contacted me. I was hoping she would come to my baby shower - show that she wanted to be a part of my life still. But no nothing, she doesn’t even talk to our mutual friends anymore. The longer it drags out the harder it will get for either of us to back down - but I’ve already decided I won’t be the first to make contact.

Call me stubborn, pig headed, call me what you like - I’m doing this for me. I need positive people around me - people who’ll help me adapt to the change that is coming. Not people who will drag me down, depress me….

Guess not everyone comes into your life for a lifetime - some are just there for a season. Perhaps that’s all she was meant to be in my life for?!

I’ve not worked now in 4 weeks, dam I never thought I’d be saying this but I miss it…it’s probably the boredom. Sitting at home for days doing nothing, nothing but waiting is driving me a little insane. I’m still 3 days away from my due date, but I want the baby out NOW! Bored, fed up and my back has been killing me for 3 days now but there is still no sign of the little monster. I’ve tried asking very nicely if it wants to be born yet, but no reply! Even bribing baby with cuddles and toys doesn’t seem to be working, apparently it likes being in my tummy J

A few weeks ago the thought of baby arriving scared me, not just labour (that still scares the crap out of me) but actually having a tiny baby. A tiny delicate baby that will be relying in Mummy and Daddy 100%. I have never fed a baby, changed a baby - other people’s new born babys scare me. I don’t want to hold them incase I hurt them of something. I have had all these fears about my own. But I dunno something has changed…. I am looking forward to the challenge. Looking forward to the new experience, and there are enough people around me who I can turn to for help. My parents, my sisters - even the next door neighbour.

How grown up did I feel the other day, when we were talking over the garden wall about labour… Lol she was offering me advice. Then chatting about baby things… gosh I’m a real grown up aren’t I? When did this happen and how did I not notice?