Working 9-5..

… what a way to make a living.’

As you know from my last blog I got myself a new job… have offically finished my first week and it went really well. Came home Monday and my brain felt like it would explode from all the information that I had crammed in. Think I picked it up quite well… although they have taught me soooo many things. The big test will be how much of it I can actually remember when I go back Monday.

Think the best part of the job, was the lunchtimes sat in the Park! Work in the middle of town, and as I already knew Sunnie before I started we have been spending out lunch hour together! Three of which we sat in the park and one in the pub - LOVE it! Haha

‘I cry inside of me… I cry silently.’

Yesterday lunchtime I felt a bit down though… my manager Sam is pregant. Sunnie, Sam and I were sat in the park and they started talking about pregnancies and misscarriages. Saying how hard it must be for someone to go threw that. I actually just wanted to cry … they don’t know I had a misscarriage. It was really hard…. talking about pregancy I am okay with. I can get happy with Sam that she will have a little bundle of joy by Xmas. Although I’m not sure how I will cope in December when she has her baby .. I will want to be happy for her but I know I will be thinking it should have been me. That I should have a little baby in my arms to. Makes me sounds selfish doesn’t it… but I am trying really really hard and I’m proud of myself at how well I’m doing but at times I can’t help feeling slightly jealous.

Seriously I swear EVERYONE is pregnant apart from me…everytime I leave the house all I see are pregnant woman. I work with two… leave the office at lunch time and every where I go I see baby bumps! Why is everyone pregnant apart from me?!

’They’ve got you where they want you;
There’s a better life, and you dream about it, don’t you?’

Grrr I am going to rant nowt… Ant has been changed from his 10am - 6pm shift to working 6am - 2pm! We were happy with that, even though he still works weekends he finishes at 2pm so we still get some time together. Granted not as much time as we would like, but it’s better than nothing. However he has been given a letter today, saying that are changing the shift back to 10am - 6pm! We’re soooo pissed off. Meants we will only get a couple of hours every evening to spend together and it scares me. That’s the way we were living before xmas…and things got really bad. I’m soo scared of what will happen to our relationship - will we be able to survive not seeing each other? When we don’t get time together…we tend to get ratty with each other! Which I know is really bad, but it is just so frustrating that we don’t get time together. *sighs* I guess we will just both have to work really hard…. try and make the most of the few hours we get. Makes me wanna cry….everything lately maks me want to cry. Although I haven’t actually cried in sooo long… think my tears have run dry. I don’t think i have any left in my body anywhere.

‘It’s a rich man’s game, no matter what they call it;
And you spend your life putting money in his pocket’